


There will always be me

by TheWritingRaccoon158



Series: TanaNoya - Firsts [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alley Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, I lied there's a bit plot, Love Confessions, M/M, Porn without Plot/PWP, Tanaka's crying, Unrequited Crush, and Noya's being a good bro, but the TanaNoya is requited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 04:07:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11706489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWritingRaccoon158/pseuds/TheWritingRaccoon158
Summary: Noya knew that there was something, something more than just friendship, and it followed Noya through every year, through every meeting, through every little glance and staring and brushing of limbs when they lay on one of their beds. He needed their friendship, and he needed the other one’s vicinity, and he could never imagine a life without Tanaka, without the occasional bullshit, without laughing and giggling, without their unconditional support for each other.…Without awkward back-patting when one of them cries like a ten-year-old in the dim street light of a Asian restaurant, and without encouraging him that there always will be another one that would want to be with him, would love him thoroughly, would like to spent their lives together.That there will always be me.





	There will always be me

**Author's Note:**

> *sweats* (❁°͈▵°͈)

Seeing a strong guy like Tanaka cry is sure something one couldn’t quite process, something that especially Noya, his best friend for ages would never be able to handle. And the reason Tanaka was sobbing like a grade schooler was even more irritating.

Tanaka told Noya everything – at least what Noya was able to understand through his sniffling and blabbering - about what had happened earlier.

While Noya followed his career as a professional athlete, now being the libero in their town’s rather prosperous home team, Tanaka had gone studying sports administration, currently being in his third semester (and he was doing quite well, much to both their surprise). Despite all odds their tight (read: obsessive) friendship was still intact, even stronger if possible. When Noya’s wasn’t playing or practicing and Tanaka wasn’t studying or hammering his empty head against the library’s wooden table's surface they spent literally every single free minute together, in front of a console or with a volleyball in their hands, or sometimes doing nothing altogether, examining the ceiling of one of their rooms talking about anything and nothing at all.

But – and that was the problem – Noya knew that there was something, something _more_ than just friendship, and it followed Noya through every year, through every meeting, through every little glance and staring and brushing of limbs when they lay on one of their beds. He was very, very aware how his heart began to flutter whenever Tanaka turned towards him on the bed, told him one of his fears, worries, or a well-hidden secret, and Noya wasn’t sure if this peculiar feeling would every vanish. Being in love with your best friend never works out, not in movies, and for sure not in real life. Noya wanted this feelings to just pass, and he knew that maybe breaking all bonds with Tanaka might be the best solution for this, but he would never have the heart to actually do that. He needed their friendship, and he needed the other one’s vicinity, and he could never imagine a life without Tanaka, without the occasional bullshit, without laughing and giggling, without their unconditional support for each other.

…Without awkward back-patting when one of them cries like a ten-year-old in the dim street light of a Asian restaurant, and without encouraging him that there always will be another one that would want to be with him, would love him thoroughly, would like to spent their lives together. _That there will always be me._

There was this lad Tanaka told Noya about, that Ennoshita guy, with his timid smile and his polite attitude, and his clever remarks and nice smiles and his overall good looks, and Tanaka was all over him the moment he saw him for the first time. But, being gay in the middle of people whose intentions he might never get to know is exhausting, and sometimes embarrassing, especially when the object of desire wouldn’t return the feelings. Noya knew that, even if he himself never confessed his feelings towards anyone whose preferences weren’t clear – which, in fact, weren’t too many guys. There was always this little thought left, this teeny little light inside his mind, pointing towards his childhood friend, showing him that whoever he thought he felt attracted to, no one would ever be better than Tanaka.

They never talked properly about their likings, they just _assumed_ , and one day one of them had gotten his first boyfriend, and then there had to be no talking at all, just understanding and nodding and shrugging of shoulders because even if one of them would be straight that would never affect their friendship in any kind of way. To be precise, neither of them was into guys exclusively, there had been girlfriends (and on one occasion, a one-night-stand on Tanaka’s side, but they won't talk about the crazy gal still sending him postcards and flowers from wherever she was), but Noya knew that his ultimate goal was always Tanaka, and as soon he realized this when he was fifteen his world began to crumble, each passing day a bit more.

But, like always, let’s not talk about that, let’s concentrate back onto the matter in front.

“He looked so good tonight, Noya”, Tanaka exclaimed with a sniff, messily wiping over his tear-stained cheeks. He was a bit buzzed, Noya could smell that, and maybe that was why he was whining like this in the first place. Noya gulped, hearing this, and awkwardly patted Tanaka’s shoulder like he would pet an indifferent-looking reptile. “I don’t know what came over me. This was so embarrassing.”

“Hey”, Noya comforted him in loss for proper words, trying not to stare at the vulnerable mess that was normally his steadfast bro, being there for him whenever Noya himself was a mess (what had happened way more often than he’d like to admit). “You told me he’s a nice guy, he won't gossip about it.”

“Yeah, sure”, Tanaka replied, blinking away more tears, “He was – I was so stupid…”

“No you’re not”, Noya replied sternly, managing to sound more convincing than he thought he would, “He’s stupid for rejecting you.”

Tanaka showed Noya a brief smirk, then he sighed deeply. “But… what am I doing now? He was so, so beautiful…!”

Hearing Tanaka whine about another one’s features made something inside his guts toss and turn, but in favor of comforting Tanaka he gulped it down, like every tiny feeling of love bubbling over during the last years. He brushed his finger’s over the other one’s cheek, wiping away some wet stains before realizing that this maybe was a tad bit too intimate to be appropriate. But if Tanaka noticed Noya’s irritation he didn’t mind, or at least he didn’t express it. Another wave of sadness seemed to overrun Tanaka, as he sobbed once again, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Sorry Noya, I-I’m such a wuss.”

“No need to apologize”, the smaller one replied, showing Tanaka a reassuring smile while fiddling with the skin next to his fingernails absentmindedly. “You did way more embarrassing things in front of me than crying.”

Tanaka smirked again faintly, thoughts in the faraway distance, at the freshmen party where Ennoshita sat next to him on a couch, nibbling at his beer and looking so goddamn perfect that it made Tanaka’s horses bolt. He’d asked him, coyly, totally out of character, if Ennoshita would go out with him, and the other one showed him a polite smile, saying ‘sorry’ and ‘I’m not into guys’, and Tanaka excused himself for a moment only to call Noya in the middle of the fucking night to order him to come over, and when he left the party through the backyard the first tears already fell from his face, being embarrassed to the core and rejected by a guy he liked way more than he’d realized beforehand. Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the situation, maybe it was because Tanaka was single for such a long time, but being rejected like this made something inside him burst, and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling when Noya collected him in the streets, guiding him back to his car, stopping in the shadows of the Asian restaurant to soothe Tanaka’s nerves up until point where he could walk properly again, without looking like a drunk, emotional mess.

“I just wanted to go out with him”, Tanaka stated after a while, when his sobbing began to subside a bit, “I just wanted to… feel good for once, feel _worthy_ for once.”

Noya raised Tanaka an eyebrow, frowning just a bit by hearing this. How could Tanaka ever believe that he wasn’t worth anything?

Noya, deciding that being a good friend clearly outweighed being cool lifted his hands and approached Tanaka to pull him into a tight hug, ignoring the throbbing pain emitting from his own heart when he felt the other one’s warm skin beneath his shirt, his firm chest brushing against Noya, his heated face right next to Noya’s hair.

“What’re you talking about, you big crybaby?”, Noya asked softly, and Tanaka shot him a coy glace through red, tear-stained eyes before he laughed up, violently brushing over his face with his palms to hide his irritation.

“I know this sounds stupid”, he said, half-muffled through his fingers, half into Noya’s hair, “I haven’t been with anyone for a – a damn long time, a-and I don’t feel as if I’m good enough for… for anyone. And Ennoshita… _god_ , he would be such a good catch…”

Noya felt Tanaka’s fingers slowly glide around his chest, interlocking behind his back, and for a moment Noya savored the feeling, savored how Tanaka breathed through his partially blocked nose, savored how Tanaka’s scent mixed with a faint amount of spicy liquor emitting from his body.

“I know”, Noya began, slowly, trying to control his breathing, “I know, right now it feels as if you won't ever be able to forget him, but believe me, this’ll fade.” _As if_ Noya thought, _some feelings never vanish, as hard as you try to erase them._ “Right now you think the world’s only about him, as if your life means nothing without him… A-and you have no clue how to manage your day without him being around, so… I know, believe me, I know how this feels.”

Noya heard Tanaka chuckle faintly, pushing himself away a bit so he could look into the other one’s face.

“I get your point”, Tanaka said with a smile, swallowing down the last chuckles, “but, really, Ennoshita’s just a crush, I don’t have _that_ feelings for him.”

Noya blushed from ear to ear, and he quickly looked down to where their chests touched. He wouldn’t show Tanaka his eyes, as the other one was able to read the small libero like an open book, especially when it comes to unspoken feelings. Tanaka frowned, not visible for Noya, and his grip around the smaller one loosened a bit. Noya had feared this moment, the point where his mouth wouldn’t be able to stay closed, when he would eventually blabber about his unrequited love for his best friend when it was the least appropriate. He knew, despite Tanaka being totally oblivious to Noya's feelings he knew about them  _now_ , counting one and one together, realizing that Noya hadn't talked about Tanaka’s feelings for Ennoshita, but about his own feelings towards his best friend, actually. Noya fastened his tight embrace, wanting to feel for another second, another moment how the other one’s body feels against his, before Tanaka would eventually decide to part, in favor of their close but entirely platonic relationship, and Noya would stay there, embarrassed and feeling like a little kid with unresolved feelings towards someone he shouldn’t have feelings at all.

But, and that was something Noya had never imagined, the other one’s embrace tightened once again, fingertips brushing faintly over Noya’s electrified skin.

“I… Noya, I didn’t know –“

“It’s okay”, Noya intervened, knowing that Tanaka was never one to express his feelings well with words, “I don’t want you to think you owe me something because – because of…”

So it’s out. Here, in the middle of the night, in the shadows of a restaurant, and Noya could not backpedal even if he’d wanted to. It was out, Tanaka knew, and just like this Noya’s best-hidden secret was exposed, and the next few seconds would be the worst he would ever endure during his young life. 

“So… you… I mean, me…?” Tanaka mumbled into Noya’s hair, and Noya closed his eyes for a second to collect his senses.

“Yeah”, he said, turning his head sideways so he could lay his cheek onto Tanaka’s chest, believing that this was maybe the only chance to relish in his best friend’s vicinity like this. “For a hell long time.”

“Then, why…?” _I didn’t tell you?_ Noya thought, knowing what Tanaka might ask before the other one could finish his sentence.

“Because we’re friends?”, Noya replied matter-of-factly, “I didn’t want to ruin it.”

Tanaka blew out a short laugh.

“Ruin things with love?”, he asked with a smile, and Noya’s heart did a one-eighty when Tanaka pushed him away a bit to see into his eyes. A gentle smile began to show on his face, and for a brief moment Noya forgot that his red eyes were caused from spilling tears over yet another guy. “Only a peabrain like you would produce something like this.”

Noya was confused. What was Tanaka implying? Noya looked at his oldest friend, irritated, corners of his mouth and eyebrows working on their own account, as his whole mind was busy with assessing what Tanaka was up to.

“Don’t look at me like that, you stupid dork”, Tanaka expressed with a faint chuckle when Noya didn’t react even after a while. “Why didn’t you tell me about… about, you know?”

“Because it’s embarrassing?”, Noya answered plainly, eyeing Tanaka suspiciously. And wrong.

“ _You_ are embarrassing”, Tanaka replied, and laughed when Noya immediately replied “Your _mother’s_ embarrassing!” in the same manner they used to joke when they were younger.

“My mum’s a goddess”, Tanaka replied, softly swaying Noya in his arms, and somehow, from somewhere faraway Noya realized that Tanaka wouldn’t joke with him like this when the situation would be awkward for him. _Does that mean…?_

“Yeah, she is”, Noya replied absently, looking into the taller one’s eyes as if he had never looked at him properly. “B-but what did you mean with… well…”

Noya knew that he must look like a frightened teen, hazel eyes big and dark and puzzled, and how strange it must seem from an outsider’s view, the two of them hugging tightly in a dimly lit corner, Noya tip-toeing slightly while looking at Tanaka as if he was a predator that had caught his prey. Tanaka rolled his eyeballs, not without smirking.

“It means this”, Tanaka stated, leaning down and pressing his lips against Noya’s. It was just a short, tongue-less peck, just a tiny brush, chaste and with closed lips, and Noya had done so much more things with other people during his lifetime, but kissing Tanaka like this was maybe the most thrilling, most intimate thing he’d ever felt. He wrapped his arms around Tanaka’s neck, eager to leave them no space altogether, wanted this moment to last forever by pulling Tanaka even closer. The moment they parted again Noya felt weird, somehow uneasy, as if he feared that the universe might just play a really nasty joke on him. He wanted to kiss Tanaka again, and then another time, and then a thousand times more to secure himself that this wasn’t a dream, that this wasn’t just an alcohol-infused prank, just Tanaka not thinking this through because he felt rejected and just wanted to prove a point. That he was still worthy.

“I – I don’t understand”, Noya said, with shivering voice and wide-blown eyes, ready to kiss Tanaka again before the other one would eventually change his mind.

“What’s there not to understand?”, Tanaka replied, one hand wandering upwards into Noya’s soft hairline, holding the back of his head like one would hold a baby. “I liked you for ages.”

“You’re joking”, Noya replied with an irritated giggle, thinking about the other one’s recent crying over his crush’s rejection. “What’s with Ennoshita-san?”

“Nah, he’d just been another distraction”, Tanaka explained, and Noya’s heart leapt against his throat, hearing him say ‘ _another’_ , as if every single one of his liaisons had been nothing but substitutes for the one guy he would never get.

At least this was what Noya had done during the last years.

“I’ve always wanted you, Yuu”, Tanaka said, empathizing Noya’s given name, looking into the smaller one’s eyes, gentle, soft, tender, and Noya never thought that Tanaka would be able to look like this. _To look like this at me._

“Why did you never tell me?”, Noya asked with a high pitched voice, much too flustered to control all of his bodies’ functions the same time.

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had, just like you”, Tanaka answered, “stupid, isn’t it?”

Noya could no longer stare at him without using their  - obviously mutual - feelings to his advantage, and placed another kiss against Tanaka’s lips, ignoring if Tanaka would probably like to talk further. In his mind-numbing cloud full of warm, fluffy feelings he nearly missed the moment Tanaka’s tongue brushed over his lips, nonverbally asking for admission, and Noya obliged willingly, heart once again leaping into his throat when their tongues intertwined, leaving the faint taste of alcohol on Noya’s taste buds. His mind was still busy assessing how a simple late-night call from his rejected and buzzed best friend eventually lead to this situation, how the exertion and uncertainty from years was solved just like this, like it was never really there in the first place. Maybe this was the reason for their friendship to last over the years, because secretly, they’ve loved each other, and they both couldn’t just give up trying, trying and pinning and hoping that someday, things would eventually change. That this moment had come today was weird, and nothing Noya would have dared to hope for, but it was there, and Tanaka was on his lips, one hand’s fingers fanned over the small of his back, the other one brushing through his hairline while Noya was busy with just staying upright and conscious.

And then, there was this warm knot, this fuzzy feeling deep inside his abdomen, calling for attention and demanding Noya to do things he had only dreamt about. He let go of Tanaka’s lips, placing wet pecks over the other one’s jawline, and Tanaka let out a satisfied hum, tilting his head upwards to give Noya more room to explore his dry, slightly salty skin. Noya wanted Tanaka to feel good, make him forget that he ever thought about not feeling worthy enough to be loved properly. Noya wanted to tell him, show him even that Tanaka was worth everything he’d ever wished for, wanted to show him how much Noya needed him, wanted him, had to make sure that Tanaka would never think about being unworthy of love, ever again. Noya playfully licked Tanaka’s earlobe, and another mind-scattering moan elicited from the taller one, making Noya smile unconsciously. Noya wanted to hear more of those moans, of how good Tanaka would feel in his hands, in his embrace, in his general vicinity. He wanted to show Tanaka how much he wanted him, how much he’d longed to be with him for years, how much he yearned for this touches, this taste, this sounds the other one made. Noya smirked, idea over idea running through his mind until he decided to do something he only dared to think about in his dreams. He let his hand glide down Tanaka’s firm chest, over his abdomen, brushing over his pants’ seam while he nibbled at his earlobe, and Tanaka’s hand on Noya’s back clawed into the cloth of the smaller one’s shirt, making Noya shiver in excitement.

“Can I?”, Noya asked, brushing over Tanaka’s clothed, attention-seeking intimacy just the slightest bit, and Tanaka nodded immediately, too drunk with Noya’s touches to answer properly. Noya let his fingers glide over Tanaka’s crotch with slight pressure, causing just enough friction for the other one to press into the touch in search for even _more_ , and Noya smiled absently when he noticed Tanaka’s rash breathing, mouth gaping open just a tad bit and eyes directed downwards to where Noya caressed his clothed length.

“I want to make you feel good, so good”, Noya purred into Tanaka’s ear, rubbing over the taller one’s clothed erection while he tried to ignore his own arousal in favor of giving the rejected student just what he needed right now. Utter and undivided attention. “Let me make you feel good, Ryu. Let me… assure you how much you’re worth to me.”

With a painful throb of his heart Noya noticed that Tanaka almost shivered, the small libero’s words shooting straight into his arousal-blinded cerebellum.

Noya, never the one to do things half-assed let go of Tanaka’s half-hard arousal for the moment, eliciting a needy whine from the taller one. He shot Tanaka a brief, seducing glance, eyes half-lidded and with a message even Tanaka might not understand instantly.

Then, tentatively, not without noticing Tanaka’s wide eyes he slid down, kneeling in front of his best friend, now on eye-level with his crotch. Tanaka, not knowing what to do with his hands cautiously grabbed Noya’s hair while the smaller one eyed his best friend’s intimacy like one would examine a serious math problem.

“Y-you don’t have to –“, Tanaka began, nervously peeking around to see if they were truly alone, but Noya shook his head shortly.

“Oh, and _how_ I have to”, Noya responded, licking his lips in eager anticipation, slowly unbuckling Tanaka’s belt, realizing that the fact that they _could_ get caught was even more thrilling. “Stop overthinking things and keep guard.”

 

*

 

Tanaka won't ever knew how he would be able to watch out for literally anything else except Noya sliding down the zipper of his pants, eyeing the Tanaka’s wetted underwear with a needy gaze. Then, without any warning he placed a sweet kiss at the protruding tip, and Tanaka had to restrain himself from ripping Noya’s hair out. Not that he hadn't gotten a blowjob during his lifetime, but this was Noya, fucking Nishinoya Yuu, his best friend for ages, his crush for nearly the same amount of time, and the subject of so many wet dreams and inappropriate trains of thoughts, and his dick being kissed by Noya was something so damn arousing that he gladly accepted being turned into a puddle full of wanton desire. Tanaka clapped one hand over his mouth when Noya let his tongue trail over the damp cloth, groaning into his hand while he restrained himself from just wanting to grab Noya, toss the smaller libero over his shoulder and carry him all the way to his flat to just fuck him senseless.

“Noya”, Tanaka groaned through his fingers, watching the smaller one licking his dick languidly through his boxers, “There’re people – around h-here.”

“Just stay quiet”, Noya instructed with a tempting smile, pointy tongue pressing against the tip of Tanaka’s dick while he locked his eyes with the taller one who meanwhile feared to come undone just like this. He had assumed that Noya wasn’t exactly shy when it comes to sexual activities, but giving a blowjob in the back of a restaurant in the middle of the fucking city on a Saturday evening was something even Tanaka hadn't quite anticipated. Not that he would object, anyway.

He nearly hissed when he felt Noya tugging his boxers down, his erection now standing hard and upright in front of Noya’s nose, and much to his delight the smaller one eyes his throbbing arousal like a kid looking at a store full of sweets. He never thought about how his dick might look, being at an average length and thickness, bent slightly upwards and currently colored in a lush pink, but with Noya, everything was different. With Noya sitting in front of his naked arousal he felt a sudden wave of self-consciousness, and he wondered if Noya would maybe be disappointed, would maybe be dissatisfied with Tanaka’s physical merits, if the smaller one would have been expecting more. But even this whiff of self-awareness was gone when Noya carefully placed his fingers around the base, dipping his tongue against the slit and eliciting another deep growl from Tanaka, throwing his head back against the restaurant’s wall with his mouth gaping open slightly.

“N-Noya”, he puffed, but his ability to speak properly was blown away together with his self-awareness.

“You’re gorgeous”, Noya stated matter-of-factly, hand pumping Tanaka’s length, letting his tongue whirl around the head when he wasn’t speaking. “Seriously, how would someone – like you – ever think he – wasn’t worth it?”

Tanaka wanted to answer, but Noya’s lips closing around his cock’s head made him forget his whole vocabulary in a single instant, and Tanaka wondered if the smaller one did that on purpose. He felt the head glide against Noya’s tongue inside his mouth, pressing against the sensible underside while the upper part was pressed against the roof, and Tanaka could feel every tiny dent and crevice his dick brushed over. Noya hummed faintly, delightfully, making Tanaka moan into his hand, shivering all over, feeling the tight knot of delicious hotness emitting from his insides, and he knew he was approaching his orgasm at light speed, much to his discomfort. He wanted to finish, more than everything else, but the same time he wanted this moment to last, wanted to savor the feeling of being inside Noya’s mouth, being touched and tasted by Noya just a bit longer, to assure himself that this wasn’t just a dream, that he hadn't just been roofied at the party and was merely imagining the whole scenery.

“Noya - ah...!”, he blurted out through his fingers, palms sweaty and shivering, “Yuu – I’m – stop it, I’m c-close…!”

Noya shot him a glance, pupils wide-blown and dark, not letting go of Tanaka’s dick altogether, and the taller one realized that this is what Noya had wanted him to do in the first place, that he _wanted_ Tanaka to come inside him, to let him taste his bitter release.

This thought, together with the sight of Noya’s lips tightly wrapped around his dick was everything Tanaka needed to feel his high overwhelming him, making him spurt his bitter release inside Noya’s mouth, making the smaller one choke slightly when Tanaka pushed his dick deeper inside the hot cavern, his hand preventing Noya from backing away.

“I-I’m so sorry”, Tanaka blurted out when Noya let his dick go, coughing and gasping for air while he wiped away the leftovers from Tanaka’s release from his lips with the back of his hand, “I didn’t want to gag you like that.”

“’s okay”, Noya replied throaty, not without a smirk while he stood back up again, “was worth it, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah”, Tanaka nodded, heart and lung pumping like mad to provide his body with missing oxygen while he absently sorted his clothes, then he drew Noya into a tight hug, wanting to feel the smaller one’s bodily warmth without interruption. “That was great.”

Noya tilted his head to place a kiss against Tanaka’s lips, then he remembered himself where his mouth had just been recently and backed away again, but Tanaka couldn’t care a bit. He grabbed Noya’s chin, pulled him close and kissed him tenderly.

“Do you...”, Noya began, swaying his hips slightly in search for a teeny bit friction. “You could return the favor, you know?”

Tanaka showed him a broad grin, embracing the small libero even tighter before placing a kiss against his forehead.

“Where’s your car parked?”, Tanaka asked seductively, and Noya immediately shot him a devious smirk. He grabbed Tanaka by the hand and dragged him behind, through the night, the dim lights and shadows, past the Asian restaurant and the chattering masses, knowing that nothing and literally everything had changed tonight, because of a crying Tanaka and a small libero who couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me! I'd like to hear what you think! （´・｀ ）♡  
> (Fyi, english's not my mother tongue...)


End file.
